Your own personal prison

3 years ago, Summer 2022, I had a particularly tough week.

On Tuesday I felt like a plant that had outgrown its pot.

On Wednesday I felt like a hermit crab that had outgrown its shell.

By Thursday I felt like I was trapped in my own personal prison.

Interestingly I came home to an email from a coach I followed and admired - announcing her free 30 minute discovery calls, no pressure.

“Wow, that sounds amazing”, I thought. “But I’m not the sort of person who does that.”

Luckily - alarm bells started going off in my head. “What does that even MEAN?!” my inner self thought, like some kind of deep primal survival voice crawling up out of the ether. “The sort of person you THINK you are got herself trapped in this situation – where you feel like your own life is like your own personal prison. Maybe start making different choices?”

“Okay”, I thought. “But she’s based in Australia. No WAY are the time zones going to work out.”

I looked. She had a call slot in 2 hours. 7:30 pm.

Unbelievable. Like the universe had opened up to meet me and my new decisions.

I got on the call and it felt like I was meeting a celebrity (to me) – someone I had only seen in YouTube videos and emails.

I told her I felt like I was trapped in my own personal prison. I didn’t know how I got there and I didn’t know how to get out.

She told me about a vision that had come to her in meditation years ago. She was in a prison cell, gripping the bars, shaking them, and howling.

Then she turned around.

And behind her – there WERE NO BARS.

This image has always stayed with me. My choices to this day are guided by this image.

The choices we have made have led us to where we are now. To how we feel about our lives now. And whether or not we feel like we are trapped in our own personal prison. 

But we can always start making different choices. If we make a completely 180 degree different choice – maybe, just maybe – behind us there are no bars – and no personal prison.

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There’s an old philosophical question that asks that if the boards of a ship are replaced one by one – at which point is it no longer the same ship.

I learned years ago that I’m a completely different person every 3 years. I can look back at a year ago and see similarities - but not 3 years ago. 

I made brand new choices back then – I started a year of coaching with her, which was completely life-changing! – and now I’m a devotee of coaching and coaching programs because I’ve seen the acceleration in my own personal growth to have someone different from me, with different skill sets from me, guide me in areas I’m struggling in. 

Since then I’m pretty much never without at least one coach in my life, whether that be for my career, my business, personal / spiritual growth, etc.

It’s interesting to look back at that moment now, three years ago, and feel so much love and compassion for myself three years ago – and to also feel like it’s a completely different person.

Yet I realized I had hit that same point – feeling like a plant that had outgrown its pot again. Wanting a bigger pot. A different pot. Wanting more room to stretch out and grow and flourish.

The reasons for this sabbatical are very intentional. Something inside of me needs to be seen, heard, watered, nurtured, encouraged to grow. I can’t keep shoving away all these different parts of myself. Strategy. Coaching. Writing. Humanity and the humanities. Helping people. Helping businesses / companies grow, succeed, and flourish.

So - I decided to start making different choices. You’re looking at them. 😀

I walk the same path as my clients. I’m not on top of the mountain. I’m reaching out a hand to guide them because I too have been there. And have been there again. We are always growing, changing, evolving. We outgrow one pot, then outgrow the next pot. And the next pot. Self-actualization is a beautiful thing, and the work is never done. I walk this with you.

If you feel like you’re in your own personal prison – and no shame, I’ve been there, many times – could it be that behind you there are no bars? What’s one small thing you can do differently today – one different choice that you can make today, different from yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that – to explore different possibilities?

Maybe – just maybe – behind you – there are no bars.